Suffering 09/26/2011
 
I read this in a blog I subscribe to by Chris Guillebeau - a quote by Jim Rohn: 

"We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret and disappointment." 

I remember being told many, many times over the course of my life that all I needed for (fill-in-the-blank) was "a little discipline."  From that, I learned that I must be weak-willed, and unable to do the things that other people were doing quite naturally. 

The thing is, the fact that discipline IS (and always has been) what is required, is just as true as the fact that discipline is NOT easy - and never has been - for anyone. 

If it were, artists wouldn't be tortured or depressed when inspiration fails, the entire human race would be at the weight that nature wanted them to be, we would all excel at whatever our hearts desired, and there would be no credit card debt. 

Having written that, I can admit to knowing ONE person who is a shining star on all those fronts.  One.  And he is a success in his life, and an inspiration as a friend, except when I'm down and letting emotions, disappointments, or struggles get the best of me. 

At that point, when all I want is a magic elixir to make everything right - poof - the best I can do for myself is to take the next right step.  And it doesn't have to be a big one. 

But I must take one. 

And then tomorrow, another.

(For me, it doesn't seem to matter what it is...but surely something I don't feel like doing.)

And this is where reward of discipline shows itself, and its benefits are revealed in enormous proportion to the seemingly small effort I had to force myself to make.  (And yes, I DO have to force it.)

When I'm envious of my friend, seeing the end product of a lifetime of discipline, I have to remember that it is the result of a first step, and then another, day after day, year after year, whether he wants to or not.  And that habit is just as strong as the habit of it's inverse, procrastination, sloth, fearful laziness. 

Huh.

OK, so I've taken this step of writing a blog post for the week this morning - heavens...even before coffee - and know that it will lead to another step I won't want to take today, but will. 

And I know that I will have dodged the "pain of regret and disappointment" just for today.
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Control Freak 08/27/2011
 
It would seem that most of my ramblings, despite the intended subject matter, end up being about control...or the lack thereof.

This week as been an exercise in, and wake-up call to, just how little control I actually have.  When I think of how many things I've tried exerting control over - people, situations, money, people (deserves to be mentioned twice, if not more), the creative spirit, discipline, my voice, what food I put in my mouth, what thoughts whirl around in my bean - I can see the folly of my repeated efforts.

Mother Nature has proven this week, with two blazing examples of her might - an earthquake on Tuesday, and now hurricane Irene, whose effects will be felt even here on Spruce Street tonight and tomorrow - that I actually hold little, or (gasp!) no, control over w-a-a-a-a-y more than I'd care to admit. So, the lesson from Irene is this - preparation is key.

Standing in line at Trader Joe's and CVS, stocking up on non-perishable foods, batteries and water (and, yes, a bottle of wine, too) I was feeling like an alarmist, since the day was so sunny and nice.  I couldn't help thinking that it seemed like just another significant forecast that wouldn't end up being what had been anticipated as The Storm of the Century. 

But the thing is, you just never know.  So I lugged home my booty, and now I'm hunkered down, and prepared for a power outage and flooding.

On the 4th floor.

So how, then, does preparation play a part in giving up control?

It's being prepared, doing all that's possible, and then letting go to let the Fates step in...whether it's nature, an agent I'm auditioning for, a potential buyer for my jewelry, or a situation that I'm invested in working out in a particular way.  I can really only do my best to be as prepared as possible.

So, I have potable water and batteries, and will be comfy here at home come what may.  For the agent, staying in good vocal shape and knowing my repertoire cold allows me freedom to express and (dare I say it?) enjoy an audition.  Having gorgeous new pieces of jewelry ready to show at my retail outlets, or on hand when a new client wants to see my work, gives me freedom from having to create on the fly.

It's one of those ironic things of opposition, I guess.  Trying to control can only bring frustration, and giving up control can only bring freedom. 

But only with preparation!
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For Art's Sake 08/08/2011
 
Inspired by a visit to the Philadelphia Museum of Art yesterday, I sat down this morning to create something, Belle Pietre-wise. 

I put on some “noodle-y music “ – meaning background-y, unobtrusive, uplifting.  Then, for something new, the kitchen timer was set for one hour, and I looked for a plausible reason as to why this was an auspicious day to work. 

Numerology -wise, it was good.  I added up the numbers of the date today, 8/8/2011, got 18, and then added those two numbers: 1+8=9, which was the square root of My Number: 3!   (A little "out there," I know, but I’m alternately superstitious and fascinated by such things…)

I also vowed to myself that today was NOT going to be about completion, but rather playing around with the components to see what works, what doesn’t, what’s possible, or not.  

As I put together, took apart, put together, and took back apart many combinations of beads, findings and spacers with the square Mother-of-Pearl pieces I was focused on using, I felt the all-too-familiar nudge-iness build.  I wanted it done. 

Now.

I let my mind drift, though, and it floated back to yesterday and the museum, and the story behind  of one of the many famous Renoirs. 

He had, apparently, labored over this painting for three years.
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"The Large Bathers" 1884-87, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, 46 3/8 x 67 1/4"
3 years!

Granted, one Belle Pietre piece is barely equivalent to half a dewdrop on a single blade of Impressionist grass in the vast landscape of Renoir’s oeuvre, but I have to believe that the process itself is the same.  Pierre-Auguste MUST have whined and wanted to chuck the whole thing countless times!

Long story short – just as the timer “booped” the allotted hour, I’d come upon a combination that made me happy, that worked in terms of scale and just-so-ness, and (how I best judge my work) it was something that I would be proud to wear.

With the Pressure to Complete off, the piece was...

...complete!
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Medea ~ Iridescent Mother-of-Pearl squares swing from sterling silver ovals and narrow rings, along curved tubes and a decorative toggle clasp
Read more about The Large Bathers here: http://www.philamuseum.org/collections/permanent/59196.html
And more about Renoir and his works here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre-Auguste_Renoir
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Yes, and... 06/06/2011
 
If you've never heard of Comedy Sportz, I highly recommend it.  I was taken on a date to one of their events last summer, and fell in love with the "sport," and the dozens of men and women who hung their improvisatory comedic heinies out there! 

Comedy Sportz is based on the same premise as Drew Carey's show, "Whose Line is it Anyway" from a few years back.  As fascinated as I am by those who do it, and as intrigued enough as I am to think that maybe I could do it, it's the improvising itself that prevents me from running to sign up for the classes that Comedy Sportz offers locally, from newbie improvisers to advanced.

What I fear most, I suppose, is getting stuck in an unfunny spot and not being able to get out of it, or go further, and just having to stand there with comedic egg on my face.  

I have a theory about being able to extemporize - that it's really a right/left brain thing, and that you're either equipped genetically to do it naturally, or you're not.  I consider myself WAY too cut and dry, and OCD-y, to just be able to let fly and run with something new and unknown.

I read something recently though, that blows my theory out of the water.  It seems that there really is a technique to it!  The improv principle is known as “Yes And.”

It works like this:  At the beginning of a scene, Character #1 begins by establishing setting and plot.  The “Yes And” then comes into play with Character #2 accepting the premise and adding on to the situation, and NOT negating.  The scene then plays out from there, always "Yes"-ing and "And"-ing.

It means going with the flow, with what has already been put forth and seeing where that takes you.  Of course, I'm pretty sure that my immediate reaction would be to try to plan ahead, and then force the other person to go with what I had envisioned.  

But that wouldn't create a true dialogue, would it?  I'd have my own little monologue going, and just trying to force another person to play by my script, instead of being open to letting the eventual whole be better than the sum of my one part plus theirs!  

It certainly does away with pre-concieved notions of how the scene will play out, and it forces all  involved to really be in the present moment.

Searching around a bit on Google, I see that many have adopted and adapted this approach in business,  team building, workplace efficiency, and although I haven't seen it, it must be helpful in conflict resolution and fair fighting in relationships.  I can see, too, how it might help in my world, in teaching voice, singing, and in creating Belle Pietre baubles!

I'm thinking, in particular, about all the times, in a fit of creative urgency (read that, an upcoming show or a frantic commission deadline) I've gotten all my beads and supplies out on the table, ready to conquer them.  

No sooner have I strung a handful of beads that I had thought would work up beautifully and easily, when I take one critical look, swipe them off the beading wire, and get immediately resigned, exhaling a frustrated sigh and "hurrumph".

So what would happen, then, if I stopped short of the "No But" and went with "Yes And"?!  

Maybe I could look at what I'd strung and not throw in the towel immediately.  I could keep what's there and add something: a different size, a contrasting color, an interesting focal bead to change the necklace shape, add a 2nd strand or maybe a 3rd for a more dramatic texture.  Anything rather than scrapping it all, putting the beads away in their bag, and stomping off with a pout.

And if I did that, I'd get many more pieces made - and faster - and I'd end up with new and interesting items that I hadn't actually set out to make.  Isn't that what creatives do?

It's like Comedy Sportz improvisers, who end up with very different story lines and funnier material than what they could have imagined starting out.

And therein, ultimately, lies the fun, the mystery, and - for control freaks like me - the challenge of improvising. 


www.comedysportz.com


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So what's the most fearsome thing about doing something new?  Well, uh, actually DOING it.  Figuring out what needs to get done, how to do that, and well, just doing it.

That happened recently at my first public showing at the Philadelphia Designer's Market.  There's a bit of back story (isn't there always?) that started right after Easter when I was rehearsing at First Baptist Church for a large work we (Alan & I) were to perform in the service the next day. 

Upon finishing, we were drawn from the sanctuary to the brightly-lit Education Hall which was ABUZZ with people and display tables of handmade items, mostly wearable things in the way of designer tee's, accessories, clothing and jewelry.

Well, my Jeweldar (radar which will "beep" out significant jewelry within a certain radius) went wild, and I had the thought that I should do the next event with Belle Pietre!

I went home, put a note in a book I keep for such inspirations and promptly forgot about it.  Fortunately, Danelle, the awesome creatoress of this event, had taken my email address and, long after I'd given it it's last thought, an announcement popped into my Inbox for the next event, being held mid September. 

In a flurry of reckless optimism, I payed my registration fee then and there through PayPal.  My work was accepted - and good thing, too, for if I hadn't acted on impluse, I most likely would have been turned away since they can only accept so many jewelry designers! 

As with most things, rather than working calmly and methodically all summer leading up to the event, I did most of the work in the last two weeks.  For me, I suppose it's the thrill of drama and potential creative peril that keeps me doing things that way.  Or maybe it's the age-old Rescue Fantasy we all have, the idea that someone might save us from this New Thing I Don't Know How To Do.  

However, with necessity being the mother of invention, and time getting REALLY short (as was my sleep), an excitement - alternating with thoughts of "OMG, what am I doing???" - took form, and ideas began to come unbidden!   

I could begin to see what I wanted the display table to look like, and then thought of who I could ask for props, and help with visual design.  And with that framework in place, things and people and ideas all started to appear in my path 

It was extraordinary, really, how inspired the process got when I realized that I really wasn't doing, and didn't HAVE to do, it myself.  Of course, my stubborn, self-sufficient Only Childness had to put a sock in it, but the result of letting go of even a snitch of control was beyond my wildest imaginings!

Out of this experience, and talking about the doing of it, other inspired ideas have come, as have offers of encouragement and help.  And isn't that the best stuff of the Creative Life? 

As a result of this "first" and sharing the story of it - and honestly admitting the accompanying creative angst - I was offered a gratis session with professional Creative Consultant, Maryann Devine this week.  She will, in turn, use the transcript of our session as the basis for one of her incredible blog entries. 

(Do have a gander at what Maryann's work is all about at:
http://www.smartsandculture.com/.)

I suppose then, that just proves the point of the foolhardiness of trying, or even thinking of trying, to do this Creative Thing alone!  I don't think we were meant to, and those who do are missing out on the sweet reward of being encouraged by others and then passing along at least a bit of what's been received to another.  

I know for sure that it's sweeter to share what I've learned and have been given, than to try to keep it all for myself!
With special thanks to AVA Dean of Students Val Starr; David Tinsch, Friend & Visual Design Consultant Extraordinaire; each customer and EVERYONE who came by and gave such positive feedback for my creations!
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Above, the finished display the day of the show.
Below, senior partner of the Belle Pietre Design Team hard at work the day before.
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Above, beautiful Jennifer, who - just like I used to do with new Buster Brown shoes as a kid - wore her "Vitellia" necklace out of the show.
Below, Judy was thrilled with the TWO pieces she purchased, including the 4-strand amethyst "Lucia" that she put on immediately!
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As I was chastising myself for not putting fingers to keyboard here for more days than I have fingers to count on, it dawned on me that I'm surely NOT the only one. 

How many blogs must there be in the Blogosphere that were started with a bang, and not a little self-satisfaction, and have now fizzled out to an inglorious standstill like so many car parts in a junkyard.

These blogs were all created with good reason, having a burning desire to say something important, or a vehicle for expression where one wouldn't have their words squelched.  For me, it was to keep me accountable in this creative process, for I know that when I put a commitment "out there," I'm more likely to keep it.

Human nature, for all it's wonders, let's self-doubt speak louder than the creative impulse, it let's the force of inertia either keep us in motion, or slow us to an inevitable, grinding, stop.

I love music, and reading, and art.  I can only imagine how many potential Mozart's, Shakespeare's and Renoir's there could have been, had they not been stopped, not by lack of talent or acceptance by critics or the public, but by Human Nature. 

And how many other things of life have begun - and ended - that way, a diet, a project, a plan for the future? 

For today, it feels good to put fingers back to keyboard here, knowing that by doing this, I will more likely finish the pieces of jewelry that have remained incomplete this week due to the Stuff of Life.  And by doing so, they will NOT number among so many Things Gone Unfinished.
 
With that in mind, the words of Robert Frost pop into my head, thanks to Mom, who reminded me of the poem during one of our recent tangential conversations.  By my not succumbing to creative inertia, I am taking "the road less traveled by," 

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim  
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;  
Though as for that, the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same,
 
And both that morning equally lay  
In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I marked the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way  
I doubted if I should ever come back.   

I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference.  

With thanks and so, so much Love to my Mother, who instilled in me her great love of Nature's Beauty & Bounty, an appreciation for Knowledge & Learning, and who modeled Courage & Stick-to-It-iveness to me my whole life, by how she lives hers. 

Happy Mother's Day, Moomie!
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It's been a hectic couple of days, keeping up with personalized "Thank You's" to all who have become Fans of the Facebook Page (82 as of this moment).  I've taken a clue from an area photographer Scott Frederick (www.scottfrederickphotography.com) who went the extra mile when I became a fan of his work. 

I felt a little afluster, then, when I got up early this morning to go to my church job, where I was to sing a lengthy 15-minute cantata.  "The Way to Emmaus" is, even on the best of days, a "big sing." 

I'm delighted to say that it went very, very well, thanks to Alan's brilliant playing.  It really couldn't have gone better, even if I HAD obsessed about it all week, took to my bed, swaddled my throat, and used an atomizer to keep my cords well-hydrated.

I'm starting to see that things have a way of working out and going more smoothly when I have a balance in my life, and not having that all-or-nothing obsessive focus on just one thing. 

Given that there are SO many things over which  we exert absolutely no control, it would seem that all the worry and single-focus, can really detract (and distract) from the things we DO actually have a handle on.

After the service, I was happily receiving kind words from my colleagues, when Alan said that he had someone for me to meet. 

It was FLORENCE QUIVAR! ~ renowned mezzo-soprano, and absolutely gorgeous woman.  She just happened to come to First Baptist Church this morning. 

She was very complimentary, and most gracious when I nervously fumbled getting my cell phone to take a photo.  What I know for sure, is that it was for the best that I didn't know that she was in the congregation BEFORE I sang!

You just never know...
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Mezzo-soprano Florence Quivar ~ First Baptist Church, Philadelphia, PA
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Maybe it's the Perfectionist in me, or family conditioning that says tooting your own horn is "just not done" - either way, making my way in this world employed as a singer, voice teacher and artsy creator, makes me wish that it were possible to farm out the job of "tooting" to someone else.

Being self-effacing works brilliantly for shy, retiring damsels in Jane Austin novels, and can be a rare and lovely touch in typically over-blown political speeches, but it does NOT work in self-promotion.

Since launching Belle Pietre, I knew it was going to be up to me to get the word out.   I also knew that I would feel goofy and hesitant about doing it.

Funny, what happened today, then, when Dan Pantano, my colleague from The Academy of Vocal Arts, asked me when I was going to tell him about my jewelry so that he could blog about it, and me as an alumna, on AVA's website.

My immediate reaction was to sputter, hem & haw, and say, oh no, really, it isn't necessary, and who would want to read about it, and little ole me, etc.? 

So I said, "No." 

After a moment, however, I comprehended that I would be passing up a chance for hundreds of opera fans and supporters to see what I've created.   I gave myself a good mental bonk, squared my shoulders, whipped one of my new business cards out my bag, and thanked him profusely for getting the word out about my work!

Not coincidently, I ran into Eric German, a friend that I've not seen in ages at a concert, just last night.  He told me something long ago that I often preach to others (and conveniently forget myself), "If you don't ask, the answer is always, 'No'."  

The thing about Dan and the AVA Blog was, I hadn't even HAD to ask.  And all along, it had been ME that was saying "No."

Let's see what ELSE can be said, "Yes" to today!

"As I say yes to life, life says yes to me!"
Louise Hay
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If at first... 04/07/2010
 
...a piece doesn't sell:

a.) Believe that the work is horrible and has all been done in vain.

b.) Think that it's a sign from the Universe to quit and give up entirely (I mean, really, why did I ever think I could do this anyway?).

c.) Go on the offensive and sputter that "people" just don't know a good thing when they see it.

d.) Take things apart and rework them, show them in a different location, save them for another season when they might be more color- or texture-appropriate, and trust in the process of creating something for public consumption.

I'll admit to wallowing for a while in a, b, and c ~ but am now choosing d!  What's the alternative, really?

My Mom's dining room table is entirely covered with beads, baubles, silver, and half-finished pieces at the moment.  Before traveling home, I rescued a number of pieces from a retail location, where, although there had been a number of sales, let's just say the nature of the storefront did not allow my pieces to be seen to their best advantage.

I've now polished the silver findings 'til they shine again, have taken apart a number of pieces and am in the process of reworking them into different shapes, that I've discovered I LOVE as I learn and experiment in jewelry design.  I'm making something new; making Belle Pietre lemonade out of what I'd been seeing as tarnished lemons!

Could this be true of other things in life, too?  Sure, sometimes a complete overhaul IS necessary and worthwhile, but, oftentimes it's not  about having to re-invent the wheel.  

Perhaps a slight adjustment of the elements is all that's required to bring about the results we want.  Maybe the answer "No" we're getting now, is just for the time being and not forever. 

Already I'm seeing the fruits of my perseverance, and not only in the finished pieces themselves.  I'm excited to report that what had seemed like a loss of one retail outlet, has already led to not one but TWO new potential venues, and with ideas for even MORE in the works!

"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."
~ Harriet Beecher Stowe
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After two days of exploring the inner machinations of the Psyche of the Artiste, and the challenges us sensitive creative types endure, I was faced with a dilemma that cut right through all that mumbo jumbo.

I was going out for drinks and dinner, and didn't have a THING to wear with my new animal print cardigan! 

So, off to my little desk I went, and there were the funky pointed shell beads referred to in yesterday's post.  They just begged to be strung with silver rounded squares (perfect items for this indecisive Libra who can't decide which shape works best, rounds or squares...)  They're the best of both worlds really, like chicken-bologna that I've taken to calling "Confused Meat."

Because Jim was meeting me in less than 10 minutes, I didn't have time to stress, or fiddle, or fret. 

I alternated the silver spacers with the shells, added 6 long tube beads (my little neurosis of always finishing a piece in mulitples of 3 - my numerology number) crimped the two ends to the decorative toggle clasp, et voila, away I went to dinner in my cute little jungle-motif ensemble!

Here's living proof then, that the creative process isn't ALWAYS tortured and arduous.  And yes, sometimes it is, but not unless I make it so.

"Once you make a decision, the Universe conspires to make it happen." 
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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